I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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