I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
