hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
