how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
