I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
