so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
