Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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