I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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