i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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