ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
