Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
