Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
