i can't believe i had my finger in that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
