seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
