Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
