Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
