i just wanna soil my oats bro
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
