How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
