fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
