I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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