and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
