The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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