also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
