i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Are we still banned from the library?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
