I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
