I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just high enough for therapy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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