Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
