i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
