i just had sex bonerless
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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