I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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