they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
