Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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