when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
