This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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