Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
