apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
