i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
