i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
