your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
