i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
