Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
