Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize