I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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