Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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