Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
