And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
