weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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