I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
