my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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