I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
