Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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