So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
