I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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