I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
