You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
