Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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