So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
pray to the hookup gods
So vagazzling was a success
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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