taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
