Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
