i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
