omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
