we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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