So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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