When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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