This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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