So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
