You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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