Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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