If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
