my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Say something about gay babies.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
