my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
