I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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